she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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