You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
