he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
