She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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