the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
