try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
