I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
