i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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