i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
