This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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