I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
