Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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