Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is Oprah even human
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
