Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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