Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
