You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize