Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Vodka?
Forever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
