You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize