just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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