Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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