I hope mine doesn't look like that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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