I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
