i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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