This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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