My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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