Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
