I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
