Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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(765): View more from Indiana

Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.

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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Steaks?

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's Ash Wednesday.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?

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(904): View more from Florida

I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday

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(+61): View more from Australia

we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...

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