You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
