I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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