Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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