i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
