its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
