im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
