Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
