I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
