Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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