You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
