I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
