I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize