where am i from again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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