if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
