I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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