Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
