Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
