My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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