happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This beer is not sobering me up at all
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
