YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Pappa wants mamma naked
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
