I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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