carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They took my balls.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
