Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
