He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
