remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
