They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
