no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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