I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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