she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
