Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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