I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
