I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
