I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
