THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
