Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
