dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize