Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
