i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
