i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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